Resisting change, no bueno …

I was my father’s primary caretaker for 2 years before he passed, and I feel like I’ve been craving, since then, my return back to a place of being the “child.” But life has had other plans … my mother’s brain tumor, brain surgery, breast cancer, and full recovery (praise God) that followed … and I’m still caretaking. My dream of being whimsically carefree like the rest of my peers vis-a-vis their parents, fading more and more into the distance …

But the truth is, craving a return to a past state has actually caused me more bad than good. Resisting realities that are right in front of my face has been such a source of angst, pain, anger, sadness, and misunderstanding.

Parents age. Hearing, memory, and comprehension are not the same as they once were. They might deny that this is the case (thank you, PRIDE). And to be honest, I think I’ve been in denial too. Wanting to hold on to that picture perfect version of who I know my parents once were.

Resisting change isn’t working. I’ve got to lean in. With aging comes a special care—maintaining the respect and dignity due to your parent, but also somewhat like the care given to a child: patience, patience, patience, letting things go, and moving with a wisdom aligned with intuition and love.

My promise to self: stop resisting natural change and instead learn to adapt, learn to let go and let flow. Developing …